Sigh.
Whee. Just created a new blog. Even though i grappled with the wordpress thingy initially, i feel that i’m getting the hang of it. Somehow, blogger is easier. Much easier to access different things and edit stuffs. Oh well.
I decided to create this blog out of anonymity purposes. No one knows of this and with it, i hope i can really say what i want. What’s deep within, without hurting the feelings of other people. I don’t really care about the tagboard or blogroll or whatever. I just want to post an entry. Period.
Phoo. Let me take a deep breath before posting. Sigh. I seriously hate my family and myself actually. I just can’t click with the parents. I tried to but to no avail. I know i suck big times. But why and in which way do i suck? I’ve tried my utmost for the exams and i seriously think i got the best results for the siblings. Wait, it’s even proven for both national exams. But, they don’t seem happy. Never happy.
The dad treated me as if i’m invisible. But occasionally, he still talks. Actually, he don’t talk to any of us, except my mum. It’s really saddening, seriously. It’s like having a father only on the surface. I’ve never told him any of my problems ever since i was born. Sigh. My mum is another side of the story. She seriously underestimates me. How can your own mother think such lowly of you? The world is evil. This totally killed my self-esteem.
I remembered how i topped the whole school during my secondary education. My mum was like, “Hmm, ok”. It was totally a heartwrenching reaction. Fancy mugging SO hard but you got such a reply. C’mon, i deserve so much better. Sigh. And i seriously think favouritism is in her dictionary. My younger bro didn’t do well for his PSLE. Way lousier than i did. But he was like encouraged by mum and stuffs. She was spewing good words on him but till now, i haven’t receive any good compliments for my results. It’s so unfair. And please, i’m a human. I DO have feelings.
Somehow, i think they despised me. Sigh. Whenever i initiate a conversation, they will like avoid me. Fine. And thus, i normally don’t talk at home. I will be the quiet person, often being reclused into my safety shell. No one cares and i don’t expect anyone to. Asking money is like so freaking hard. She has the bucks but is not willing to give it to me. Maybe i don’t deserve it. But hello, i need it for my stuffs. To get it, i have to like say a thousand feasible and believable reasons.
I’m glad that one of the sibling rocks. Without her, i would have died long ago. She kept me moving forward.
Sometimes, i just feel that i should be sold to a home. It beats better than staying at this useless home. It just contains too much pain for me to bear. I NEED air.
take it easy! (: